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As I’ve mentioned before, I’m among those women who do not have an abortion in my past. However, I have a number of friends who have honored me with their trust in sharing this painful secret, and with whom I’ve partnered in prayer as they’ve walked their own journeys to healing. While the issue of abortion has always been important to me, it’s really been over the last year that God has allowed my heart to become burdened by it. Burdened by the lives lost, certainly, but also by the profound pain that is left in those who’ve made the choice that, ironically, was supposed to relieve them of it.
I’ve worked to try to get the word out about a post-abortion Bible study called Surrendering the Secret, written by my friend Pat Layton, to help women work through their pain to find healing and forgiveness. I just attended a luncheon yesterday to promote and support Life Impact Network; an organization that provides pre- and post-abortion counseling, 4D sonograms, abstinence training to high schools, life-coaching to new moms and, most recently, licensed adoption services. Wonderful work, all, and vital to reaching hurting women. However, this week I’ve got a new burden: What about the men?
For every woman that gets an abortion, there is a man involved. Even with the percentage that may never be told that a child was conceived, there is a greater percentage that will be told and will participate in the abortion. They have no rights to that child; no say at all in whether or not their baby will draw a breath. Most figure that men will be relieved when abortion is chosen; after all, they’ll be “off the hook”. That, however, is not always the case. We know this from the advent of organizations like Fatherhood Forever and Reclaiming Fatherhood; and from books, such as Men and Abortion: A Path to Healing, Men and Abortion: Lessons, Losses and Love, and Fatherhood Aborted: The Profound Effects of Abortion on Men. This last book lists the following “aftershocks” and symptoms of post-abortion trauma on men:
Aftershocks of Male Post-abortion Trauma:
- Has difficulty with commitment
- Dodges authority
- Has no solid sense of identity
- Works to impress moral leaders
- Keeps women at bay
- Has trouble bonding
- Fears impending tragedy
- Doesn’t own his mistakes
- Feels inadequate as a leader
They also lay out the following symptoms:
- Relationship struggles
- Inability to trust friends
- Addictions and sexual compulsions
- Sleeplessness, bad dreams, nightmares
- Sexual dysfunction
- Fear of failure
- Fear of rejection
- Loneliness or numbness
As a mom of two young women, I have a bird’s eye-view of many of the young men in today’s society. If one out of every three women has had an abortion, then the number of men possibly walking around with these symptoms is very high. And, really? Just look around. These symptoms are everywhere in our young men…our future leaders, thinkers, decision-makers…
In lieu of a news piece this week, I offer up this stunning video. Please do not judge it’s moral content (it’s a secular piece), but hear it’s heart. If you think abortion doesn’t hurt men, think again.
children a reward from him.
4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one’s youth.
5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.
Father God, we come in agreement today, many believers – one voice, to stand for life. Lord we pray for a transformation in the heart of President Obama, that he would see the devastation in our country that has been wrought by the law for choice – not just in lives lost, but in the lives of women AND MEN who, in exercising their “freedom” have found themselves in destructive bondage instead. We pray that You would turn his heart to see these people as real and hurting and, by thinking ahead to the young men that his own daughters will marry, he’ll consider the baggage that they may be bringing with them to the altar. Humanize this tragedy in his eyes, Lord; give what he sees as a piece of legislation, a heart-beat.
Believing You will change one heart for many, we pray in the MIGHTY, LIFE-GIVING NAME OF JESUS CHRIST. Amen.
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That is an extraordinary video thank you for sharing it!!
Thank you for sharing your heart and helping us to remember it is not just women and the unborn who are hurt by this. Thanks for posting the video. Praying-
Thank you for this post and video. You are so right being Pro Life is not just for women.
Shirley, New York
Wow. Very moving video. I think that men are almost always overlooked as suffering in this situation. Thank you for shining a light on this issue.
For as much discussion at this subject gets in the public forum, it’s often little more than lobbying. Thank you for coloring in the hues that make this subject so vital.
Nothing like some light to chase away the darkness that threatens mother, child AND father.
Jubilee from Ohio.
May I put your weekly prayers on my sidebar as a reminder to myself and my readers?
You’re right…gripping video that writes its own chapter in the book called abortion. I haven’t given much thought to the man’s side of things before. This is a whole new avenue to walk upon.
Thanks for researching this and taking the time to keep us ever vigilant.
Melinda, I linked to you and told about this important prayer team in my President’s Day weekend post today. Also added the Changing One Heart for Many button. Hope it helps add more prayer warriors to the team!
“Never got to begin” — oh my word that hit me so hard. How powerful and how real.
We seem to have forgotten the men in this debate — these are their children, too.
Praying in Alabama.
Wow that video shed a lot of light on the fathers perspective. I have to admit that I have never given much thought if any at all to the men especially not in that light.
Sorry I forgot again;
Sharon from Plano, Tx. Great Post!!
Thank you for all you do to help the unborn be remembered. This is my first week and I appreciate you putting this together.
Praying! And, honestly…I’ve never thought about the men. Wow.
This video is heartbreaking and very powerful. Thanks for speaking up for ALL victims of abortion.
Dear One-I praise the Lord He allowed our paths to cross. Thank you for leaving me a comment. I will check in with you often and join you in prayer for against the tragedy of abortion in our country. We are commanded to speak for those who cannot speak for themselves. Many blessings,
Darlene, praying in Oregon
This made me cry.. praying in NH.
That made me cry–I hope millions of people get to see that video. I suddenly realized, that it’s true, no one talks about the impact it’s having on the men, too. Praying for change today. Kim
I love the video. Touching hearts through any media our All Mighty God is so powerful to use ALL things for His good purpose. I am privileged to pray.
Great post. Beautiful prayer. I’m praying with you today.
Oh my, friend, this is good. As I have been blessed with the privilege of ministry around the Nation, more and more men are coming to us for help. As women get healed, men feel free to be healed as well.
Thank you for this prayer focus and for this post.
You are a blessing,
Shannon in Katy, Texas. God bless!
That is a great video
I will continue to pray for this cause!
Melinda: As I sit here at my son’s and daughter-in-law’s house babysitting my 6-month old grandson for them, I am so moved by this post – and this whole passionate purpose.
My son is turning into the best father ever and you know their story – they waited a long time to conceive this baby after the heartache of infertility.
You have daughters, I have sons – and my heart goes out to all the young adults in our world today. May God reveal to them the value of LIFE – as He gives life abundant and life everlasting.
I pray that God will change President Obama’s heart – for He alone is the One who can.
Thank you for your heart of compassion,
I am praying for this cause! just forget to post it.
So glad to hear from you. I have so much to learn about blogging. Holly has been so kind to help me along…and dang it, I did another post tonight and the font color did not show up. But I think once I learn all the little ins and outs, I will love it.
I have loved your blog and especially your last few posts. One of the stories that Holly has urged me to share is my daughters story. Maybe one day soon, I will.
Yes, those journals are treasures, although some hard to read, others make me bow in thanks…She really did love me.
How crazy is it at midlife, it still matters so much how your parents felt about you, especially if they never told you.
Lord, help me never make that mistake with my kids.
Made my day to hear from you!
What an informative post! I never stopped to think about the effect abortion has on the father. I wonder how many men even stop to give it a thought.
This brought tears to my eyes. Who says that no one is hurt when a woman aborts a baby?