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As I’ve mentioned before, I’m among those women who do not have an abortion in my past. However, I have a number of friends who have honored me with their trust in sharing this painful secret, and with whom I’ve partnered in prayer as they’ve walked their own journeys to healing. While the issue of abortion has always been important to me, it’s really been over the last year that God has allowed my heart to become burdened by it. Burdened by the lives lost, certainly, but also by the profound pain that is left in those who’ve made the choice that, ironically, was supposed to relieve them of it.

I’ve worked to try to get the word out about a post-abortion Bible study called Surrendering the Secret, written by my friend Pat Layton, to help women work through their pain to find healing and forgiveness. I just attended a luncheon yesterday to promote and support Life Impact Network; an organization that provides pre- and post-abortion counseling, 4D sonograms, abstinence training to high schools, life-coaching to new moms and, most recently, licensed adoption services. Wonderful work, all, and vital to reaching hurting women. However, this week I’ve got a new burden: What about the men?

For every woman that gets an abortion, there is a man involved. Even with the percentage that may never be told that a child was conceived, there is a greater percentage that will be told and will participate in the abortion. They have no rights to that child; no say at all in whether or not their baby will draw a breath. Most figure that men will be relieved when abortion is chosen; after all, they’ll be “off the hook”. That, however, is not always the case. We know this from the advent of organizations like Fatherhood Forever and Reclaiming Fatherhood; and from books, such as Men and Abortion: A Path to Healing, Men and Abortion: Lessons, Losses and Love, and Fatherhood Aborted: The Profound Effects of Abortion on Men. This last book lists the following “aftershocks” and symptoms of post-abortion trauma on men:

Aftershocks of Male Post-abortion Trauma:

  • Has difficulty with commitment
  • Dodges authority
  • Has no solid sense of identity
  • Works to impress moral leaders
  • Keeps women at bay
  • Has trouble bonding
  • Fears impending tragedy
  • Doesn’t own his mistakes
  • Feels inadequate as a leader

They also lay out the following symptoms:

  • Relationship struggles
  • Inability to trust friends
  • Rage
  • Addictions and sexual compulsions
  • Sleeplessness, bad dreams, nightmares
  • Sexual dysfunction
  • Depression
  • Fear of failure
  • Fear of rejection
  • Loneliness or numbness

As a mom of two young women, I have a bird’s eye-view of many of the young men in today’s society. If one out of every three women has had an abortion, then the number of men possibly walking around with these symptoms is very high. And, really? Just look around. These symptoms are everywhere in our young men…our future leaders, thinkers, decision-makers…

In lieu of a news piece this week, I offer up this stunning video. Please do not judge it’s moral content (it’s a secular piece), but hear it’s heart. If you think abortion doesn’t hurt men, think again.


3 Sons are a heritage from the LORD,
children a reward from him.

4 Like arrows in the hands of a warrior
are sons born in one’s youth.

5 Blessed is the man
whose quiver is full of them.
They will not be put to shame
when they contend with their enemies in the gate.

Psalm 127:3-5

Father God, we come in agreement today, many believers – one voice, to stand for life. Lord we pray for a transformation in the heart of President Obama, that he would see the devastation in our country that has been wrought by the law for choice – not just in lives lost, but in the lives of women AND MEN who, in exercising their “freedom” have found themselves in destructive bondage instead. We pray that You would turn his heart to see these people as real and hurting and, by thinking ahead to the young men that his own daughters will marry, he’ll consider the baggage that they may be bringing with them to the altar. Humanize this tragedy in his eyes, Lord; give what he sees as a piece of legislation, a heart-beat.

Believing You will change one heart for many, we pray in the MIGHTY, LIFE-GIVING NAME OF JESUS CHRIST. Amen.

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