Losing it. Blowing up. Loss of control. Temper Tantrum. No matter how you slice it, none of these descriptions apply to the actions of a child. They apply to me. Grown woman. Mother of grown children who knows better.
I share this with you, lest you think that I have it all together (especially in light of my last couple of posts on motherhood). I so don’t. Even grown children still know how to push your buttons and even so-called “mature” parents reach the end of their rope from time-to-time. World-class melt-downs are not just reserved for two year-olds in need of a nap.
You know, there’s nothing like falling short of the mark to make you take stock. The thing is, sometimes you forget that you’re even capable of making such a spectacle. You can even get a little comfortable thinking that you’re beyond it somehow. Tonight, in my humility, I’m reminded that I’m not. I’m a sinful human that screws up, sometimes royally. I’m so thankful that, while I may feel miserable tonight, God’s mercies are new every morning. My failings are already forgiven; in fact, they were forgiven even before they were committed. Makes me think of the line from that Casting Crowns song…
Jesus can you show me just how far the east is from the west
‘Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
‘Cause You know just how far the east is from the west
From one scarred hand to the other
I’m heading off to bed with this reassurance ringing in my head and my humbled heart, and the promise of a clean slate to greet me in the morning.