You may have noticed that I haven’t been posting all that regularly, of late. It hasn’t been for lack of trying, but I’ve been having the hardest time pulling thoughts together with any more success than trying to hold a tight fist full of sand.

Really, now that I say that, I have to admit that it’s not just thoughts I’ve been trying to pull together, or coherent and cohesive words on a page. It’s the elements of my life right now, too. Grasping, and holding as tightly as I can, I try to keep those “grains of sand” from falling away, slipping from my control, and becoming part of a landscape I don’t recognize as my own.

What I’ve come to realize is that living life “tight-fisted” is not the way it was intended. I’ve tried so hard to grab and hold and control that which is completely uncontrollable. I’ve spent countless hours, days…years of energy maintaining an iron grip, thinking that maybe today will be the day that the sand doesn’t shift or fall. But it always does…it’s the nature of living a gloriously unpredictable life. No, the tight fist is not the way.

So, what is?

I believe it’s the open hand.

Open-handed living, as I’m coming to understand it, was meant to be a life of reciprocal giving: God handing down the elements of our lives and, instead of grabbing them and holding on tight, we hold them back up to Him, as an offering. I think a part of me always knew this concept, but it wasn’t until so many grains of sand began to fall that I realized the “tight grip” control I thought I had was an illusion.

Only upon that realization have I slowly begun to relax my hand and realize that my whole body began to relax with it. Only then did I see that light is able to penetrate what I’ve been holding so I can better see it for what it really is. I’m able to start letting go of stuff I really don’t need to hold onto. The rest can now be offered up to the strong hand of God for safe-keeping, just as it was intended.

Things in my world are still uncertain, and nowhere near perfect, but I’m beginning to feel a little more free. I can now enjoy walking the beach of my life without having to worry about trying to hold all the sand…freely praising its Maker with open hands.