If you’re just joining us, click here to see what this prayer team is all about! While we are a “pro-life” prayer team, we, IN NO WAY, stand in judgment against those who have chosen abortion in the past! We hold you and your heart in the highest esteem and you are SO WELCOME here. Many women (and men) who’ve experienced abortion often hold onto the memory in silence, suppressing feelings of guilt, shame and grief for, quite often, years. If this describes you, and you would like more information on how to find hope and healing, please visit this site, or click on the “contact me” button above.

Continuing on the topic of last week’s post, I’ve asked my sweet friend, and fellow prayer team member, Jennifer, to guest blog for me today. Please warmly welcome and thank her for her courage in sharing her story, to help not only the cause for the unborn, but to perpetuate the healing of post-abortive women everywhere.

In December of 2008, God brought to the surface a very painful memory for me that I had long-buried: my abortion. While driving my 10-year-old son to school one day, a thought came across my heart, “you could have aborted him, too”.

You see, 18 years ago, I made the choice to have an abortion. The day after my 17th birthday, my parents and then boyfriend drove me to an abortion clinic. At the time, I believed what I was doing was right. I believed that it was only a blob of tissue and I whole-heartedly believed that my life would go back to what it once was, as soon as it was over. I am here to tell you that you can never go back to who you were before an abortion. That person is gone forever. Lying on the table in the clinic, my heart was crying out for someone to stop me. I suddenly knew that it was wrong. I’ll never forget the sound of the machine sucking the life of my child out of me. No, I would never the same. My life from that moment on was forever changed.

In the months that followed, I couldn’t face who I was or what I had done. So, I stuffed it deep down inside of me. I drank and did drugs to quiet the screams deep within. Needless to say, my relationship with my boyfriend crumbled. We tried to hold on but I had changed. I left for college and the drugs and alcohol abuse became worse. Along with that came sexual promiscuity. I didn’t care about myself; didn’t think I was worthy of love. I continued to numb my pain with whatever I could get my hands on.

I’m amazed at the amount of damage done to myself because of the lies I believed about abortion. No one tells you the after-affects. No one tells you the range of emotions that come from post-abortive women. I was basically left asking, “Who could save me? Who would want to?”

My life continued on its demolition course. I eventually got married, which didn’t start out in the traditional way. I found out I was pregnant in May of 1996. Everyone had their opinions about what I should do. Many pointed me to abortion. I knew in my heart of hearts that if I had a second abortion I wouldn’t survive. The pain of one was almost too much to bear. So we agreed to get married. It was a rough road paved with more bad choices, eventually leading me to a very dark pit. My marriage was falling apart. My life was crumbling before my very eyes. It was at this time – the right time – that I met Jesus. I finally found the only one who could save me.

Fast forward to December 2008. God had done a work and restored my marriage, saved and forgiven me, but His plan doesn’t stop there. His plan calls for healing, as well, and that included a complete healing from my abortion. I wrestled with Him on this for days. I did not want to go back there. But, he wanted me to. I emailed Pat Layton and we corresponded back and forth a few times. She is an amazing woman, and her ministry is not only saving babies, it is saving post-abortive women.

I started the post-abortion healing study, Surrendering the Secret, at the end of January, 2009. Melinda, your blog hostess, was the first person with whom I shared my abortion after being silent for years. Do you know what she did? She loved me. She just loved me through my journey and prayed for the healing that I so desperately needed. It was not an easy journey. I didn’t want to go back and confront my past. But, God wanted me there. He wanted me healed and whole. And that is what I have become. Only by the grace of God, that is what I have become. He shined His light into my darkest places and brought me out from the shadows. The mask is now gone; I am complete in Him.

I know that my child is whole and in heaven with Jesus. One day I will meet her face-to-face and her death will not be in vain. I will fight for the unborn, through being part of this prayer team and other movements that give a voice to the voiceless, and I will walk with post-abortive women through their own healing journey. I am leading my second Surrendering the Secret group and it is my mission to not be silent anymore. My silence only confirms that abortion is right, that it leaves no lasting impact on a woman. So I will speak out for the women who are too scared or ashamed to speak. I will tell my story so others will know that abortion hurts and has a traumatic impact on lives, and I will speak out in the hopes that maybe one woman will hear and want to be healed from their pain.