One of my best girls, Mary R. (known elsewhere as Mary R. Snyder), is in the thick of final edits for her new book, God, Grace & Girlfriends: Adventures in Faith and Friendship, which is due to release this December.
She’s been posting on the topic of friendship for a while, and, in a recent post, asked her readers how they determined whether or not a potential friendship would be a healthy one. Many wonderful tips were shared, but there was one in particular that jumped off the screen and right into my brain, where it has been tumbling about ever since.
Does she make me want to know Jesus more?
I think if we’re all honest, every one of us has experienced an unhealthy, or “toxic” friendship. They typically don’t run their course without one or both parties being damaged in some way. When I think about these types of friendships in my own past (thankfully, I’m not in the midst of any at the moment, and hopefully, never again!), I find that they were very much people-centered. Because they were “Christian friends,” I thought they would be safe and healthy, but it turned out that self-focused drama reigned supreme, and Jesus was pretty far down on the priority list.
My healthiest friendships, like Mary R., and the rest of my treasured circle? Christ-centered. Those friends – every one of the best of the best – make me want to know Jesus more. It doesn’t mean that they don’t all go through periods of personal crises from time-to-time, but when they do, they don’t drain me dry and try to pull me down with them, into their pit. They cling to their Jesus, and allow me my full strength to be able to hoist them up, and out, to the Cross.
Does she make me want to know Jesus more?
I’ve decided that this is the first thing, the MAIN THING, I will look for in potential friends from now on. And as for the kind of friend I want to be? I think it’s the main thing I need to constantly cultivate in myself, as well.
As you examine your own friendships, does this question prove to be true for you, too?
Love this! And love you! And you are among my dearest and most drama free girlfriends EVER!
And you make me want to know JEsus more each day!
Ahhh…drama-free. A glimpse of eternity. 🙂
xo m
Can’t think of a better criteria for a friend!
peace~elaine
Thanks, darlin’. As I build a new network, I pray that those are the friends God will find for me.
I am so thankful that you are writing again!
I pray I am the type of friend who makes others want to know Jesus MORE. I am certain that in my past I have been one who makes others say, “If that is what a Christian looks like, I don’t want any part of it.” Oh how it grieves me to know that I probably turned others off to Christ in my past. THANK GOD for do-overs!
I’m right there with you! We definitely need people in our lives that will inspire & encourage, and hold us accountable for living upon God’s high ground.
I have just a little sample of what Mary R. might think of you, too, Melinda. I think it’s what the Lord might call a “win-win and WIN”.
Hugs,
Kathleen
I have not done a good job of staying in touch with friends this summer. I need to do better this fall.
Thank you for the reminder!