What a day, yesterday!
I know. That seems like such a lame way to start this post, but it’s the truth.
We have been feverishly working on all the details to be able to open registration, this week, for the first summer session for our equine therapy riding program. I have basically been sitting at this computer, non-stop, for days and days. Then, yesterday, I got a call that the fall my dad suffered the night before had gone from him being badly beat up, but okay, to wacky blood work, confusion, concussion and puzzling CT scans. Dad’s been undergoing treatment for the last 3 months for vasculitis of the brain, so that was factored into all this as well, and making all of it seem even more concerning. Adding insult to injury, I’ve been battling a bad sore throat and couldn’t be around him, so here I sat, feeling like I was 1000 miles away instead of 80.
One of the many private messages I received yesterday lovingly asked how I was doing. I told them the truth: I was overwhelmed and feeling detached and worried. But I also told them that I knew my dad was right in the palm of God’s hand, and that was the safest place for Him to be. After I wrote that, the image of God’s hand stayed with me all day. I really thought about it, wondering to myself if I truly was trusting that my dad was there, or just slipping into some ‘Christianese.’
It’s interesting to me how, when things get hard and threatening and out of our control, when life overwhelms and reality invites fear, we tighten the grip of our own hands, pulling our situation fiercely to our own chest as if we can protect it and control the outcome. Yet, I wonder, should God physically reach His hand down and lay it open, beside our loved one, or our dream, or ourselves, if we would ALL wouldn’t scrape and scramble to climb up into it, dragging our precious cargo up there, too. Wouldn’t we all know that it’s the safest, best place to be, regardless of where He decides to move us?
Another friend messaged, “Breathe in faith…breathe out fear.”
And I realized the only way to truly do that is to trust that the Hand of God IS physically there, open, beside my dad, beside our personal dreams of helping challenged people when we feel overwhelmed and inept to pull it off, beside me when I’m not 100%. To trust that I CAN clamber up into it, pulling all my treasure into it for safe-keeping. And it was in that moment, I realized that I was. My hands were open and free from my cumbersome load, and I was breathing in faith, and even though I don’t know the outcome to any of what’s happening right now, I can breathe easily because no matter where He decides to take it all, He’s got a hold of it.
After all, if we are in His grip, it’s the safest place to be.
“Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.” Isaiah 41:10 ESV
“Don’t panic. I’m with you.There’s no need to fear for I’m your God. I’ll give you strength. I’ll help you.I’ll hold you steady, keep a firm grip on you.” Isaiah 41:10 MSG
*Please look for a post specifically about our equine therapy program, Hope for the Trail, on Friday, with links to how you can register a rider or become a volunteer! Or pass along to those you know who might be interested!
*THANK YOU for your outpouring of love to my family and me during this difficulty with my dad. He’s gaining more clarity, and some of his ‘old self’ is returning, but there are more tests today and conflicting ideas about his vasculitis treatment. Please continue to pray for my mother, as she is having to be his voice and keep her own worry at bay, and for the doctors, that they would be unified and directed by God on where to go from here.
<3. So true! I remember Steph battling her brain tumors and always saying she was crawling up in God's lap when going thru it all! So comforting is our God! I needed to be reminded today! Love you CSF!
This post brought tears to me. I have that fear too when my loved ones are sick. I fear the worst sometimes because of my past with my father. But I have to give it God because he has a plan for all of us as he did for my dad. Uncle Tom and Aunt Sharon and you and Roger and Keith and all of your immediate family is in my heart and prayers right now. I know God will heal him because I have faith. He has so much more to give and we still need him here on Earth. It is not his time. Melinda hang in there and know that I love you and am thinking and praying for all of you. Love Casey